Directions

This was written in 2014, unpublished. I just clicked publish. Here goes.


It's 3 years later and I stumble across my long lost blog again. As I'm reading through my old posts, I don't recognize that girl's voice. I'm almost convinced that someone has been logging in as me and posting these tweets and blogs.

Do you sometimes feel like you've lost who you were along the way in this journey we call life? I was reading my old tweets and blog and thought to myself... I like this girl, we would really get along. and then I remembered, hey that's me! Well 3 years ago MomOf1, I admire you. I admire your drive, I admire your honesty, I admire your kindness, I admire your gentle heart that thinks of others before yourself. I admire your dreamer thoughts.

The truth is, I've been on a lonesome journey. But reading my posts tonight is a great reminder of who I was--- am.

Written over 2 years ago in 2014, never published. Well I just clicked the publish button. I figure, might as well put it out in the world. See following post. :)

Those of you who follow. Or myself 3 years from now (reading this post again-- it really was you typing ;))

I am proud to say that, pertaining to my last post about waiting for my baby to choose me... I was chosen! On May 16, 2012 I was blessed with the most beautiful child that has ever entered this earth (really!!). My boy chose me to be his mother. I am the luckiest mommy in the world.


The journey of my prince was nothing short of a dramatic novel. It started with emotional roller coasters of ultrasounds and hormone shots daily for over 5 months. After much heartache and hopeful attempts I finally was ready to "implant". My eggs were finally at the required stage-- our chances were low, only one possibly two eggs were going to possibly be viable. and our sperm count was lower with less mobility. When we went in that afternoon for the artificial insemination our hearts were heavy. We were scared, not scared to be parents, but scared to fail. What if it didn't work. We wanted this so badly. We prayed-- to God, to our ancestors, the universe, our unborn child who was in heaven with God waiting to be mine. Yes, when I think about that, I picture in my head a long line of babies (somehow they are able to talk and communicate with God:) It's my fantasy image so anything can be possible) anyway... a  long line of babies waiting to pick their parents. God says to my Aiden: Ok my sweet child, you are next. As Aiden looks down on all the possibilities he sees my shining heart glowing, warm, wanting, waiting, drawing his attention. He say to God: Her. and points to me. Yes, thats exactly how it went down in my head.

I didn't know it then, but he did. He knew I was going to be his mama.

Two and a half years later, he is the joy of my life. He has taught me what love is.